I love to be outside. Sitting on my deck relaxing, hanging out with friends, swimming, hiking, the sounds of birds singing, the constant buzz of whatever is buzzing, are all very soothing to me. I grew up playing outside as a kid, and it's nice to be able to get outside and enjoy the outdoors, most of the time.
Recently, I've started running on trails. Trail running has been good for me because it gives me something to focus on besides how much further or longer I have to run. The shady trees and the sound of the forest are a nice way to get lost in myself. It gives me a chance to clear my head and think. The other day, I was deep in thought, focusing on things I'd like to do in life, topics I'd like to write about, and things I needed to do to make the family unit run smoothly. Then nature started messing with me.
Let me explain.
Bugs - I like to chew gum with when I run. It keeps my mouth from getting too dry. But I also breathe with my mouth open, so sometimes, I inhale in a bug. I end up chewing gum and bugs. The thought of continuously chewing a bug until it dissolves completely grosses me out. So I stopped chewing gum while running a few months ago. Until yesterday, I forgot. Yesterday, I had cinna-gnat gum.
Spiders - Seriously? How quickly do they build webs? How do they always manage to strategically wrap their webs around my head and face? What are their plans for me if they are able to capture me?
Bunnies, squirrels, and ground squirrels - My kids think they are cute. They give them names like Stripes and Fluffly and S'mores. Not me, I hate the little bastards, always sneaking out in front of me, rustling leaves, making me wonder if its a truly terrifying larger creature about to attack.
Deer - Terrifying larger creatures like deer. I once saw an episode of The Simpsons in which Lisa, an animal lover, encounters a deer. At first, she is awed by its peaceful beauty, until it crouches and begins snarling at her. That is what I always envision from the deer I encounter on the trails. Today one ran away, and the other just stared me down, snarling, waiting till I ran by it, so it could chase me down and trample me and gore me with its wickedly sharp deer horns. They can obviously smell the fear my body is profusely emitting.
Birds - Sometimes they are beautiful, like the vibrant red cardinal flying with its mate or Woody Wood Pecker's cousin tapping on the trees. But today, a murder of crows sat high in the trees, cawing their obnoxious caws. When one swooped at me as I ran through its domain, I had no other escape than sprinting out of their territory. I'm lucky I didn't pull a hamstring.
Trees are even evil. For a moment the other day, I was thankful that a tree happened to catch me before I fell to the ground. Until I realized that I was falling because I tripped over it's strategically placed root. I trip and fall down over roots a lot while running trails; a couple of months ago I had to visit an urgent care clinic to make sure my ankle wasn't broken. Thankfully, just a bad sprain.
And finally - the unknown mysteries deep in the forest. I'm not referencing mythical beings like those found in the Twilight Series - vampires and werewolves are not real. I worry about encountering the one mountain lion spotted in town last fall. What do I even do when I see that? I can't outrun it. I can't fight it off with a stick. Even if I manage to climb a tree, it can follow me up with its razor sharp claws. Not a pleasant way to die. And don't even get me started on the mass murderers hiding in the forest. I know they're out there.
So, what started out as a pleasant, mind-clearing, crisp morning jog, turned in to a trail of terror, a nightmare of ways I could be brutally maimed and killed. The one bright spot was that at least I burned some calories. Actually, a lot of calories with all that adrenaline making me push the pace. Next time, I'll use the buddy system. At best, conversation will distract me. At worst, the rabid deer will attack my buddy first.
Dawn, you had me smiling the whole time. BUT, I have never heard you speak of birds kindly - remember, they poop on you!
ReplyDeleteYes, they do!! I do have a few moments that I appreciate them, mostly from afar.
DeleteAND, as an update: today we saw a man with a chainsaw on our trail. He seemed to be clearing some fallen branches, but I half e pected him to come chasing us with the chainsaw buzzing.
Dawn, you had me at Hello! I was laughing and had tears from your first blog on. Keep up the great work. No doubt the family will continue to give you fresh content. Isn't it wonderful you can capture these experiences in a different light, and help us out here realize we aren't in this world alone living these crazy days.
ReplyDeleteSee you at the ISU game Saturday! Tab
Thanks, Tab! I was just saying to Pete that Tate alone will provide me with fresh content for years to come! :)
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