I need structure.
Without structure, I am a mess. I wander from point to point doing random little things, never accomplishing much. For me, "unstructure" is like treading water...I stay in one place, work really hard, but never go anywhere.
Without structure, I don't function well. I get edgy - I feel uncomfortable. I stress, and I don't sleep.
Without structure, I forget to do the things that need to get done. Usually, the things I don't do are the things I need to do to keep my sanity: I don't write a blog post for 49 days. I don't work on my book idea for 32 days. I don't workout for 14 days. I shove things into a storage closet that I cleaned out thoroughly four months ago, and then I have to clean it out again. I go to the grocery store daily because I forget to thaw out food for dinner. I'm keeping my head above the water, but I'm not going anywhere.
I've had really good reasons for feeling so unstructured, so I'm not going to beat myself up too much. And with the end of the year approaching, I kept thinking, I will start anew on January 1.
But even knowing that big change is coming in 2013, I couldn't stop feeling edgy.
So thankfully, during yesterday's lunch, I realized that waiting two more days just wasn't going to cut it. It was Tate who triggered this epiphany.
Tate: Mom, can I tell you a secret?
Me: Yes.
Tate climbs off his chair, walks around to mine, and whispers in my ear: I dipped my little weenie in yogurt, and it tasted good.
Me, horrified: What?
Me, realizing what we are having for lunch - Little Beef Smokies, mac-n-cheese, green beans, (and Tate's having a side of yogurt): Oh!
Me, smirking: Go tell your dad.
Thanks to Tate for providing me with this anecdote that reminded me that I need to sit down and write - that this is a part of the structure that I need.
I feel better already. Maybe I'll even workout today.
Cheers to a happy and healthy 2013!
